Thursday, March 1st, 2007

I am maxing and relaxing on the most awesome beach. It is warm and sunny, and my paleness gleams in the sunlight. I turn over to work on an even tan, and I see Totally out of the corner of my eye running full speed towards me.

"Box, wake up. Need to get the new trailer from U-Haul." It is a cold morning in da Jerz. Fuuuuck.

We get all that mess taken care of with Sizzler, and return victorious to the motel, where we are greeted with hot Dunkin Donuts breakfast. I need to find me a wifey so I get more of that action.

It's a long drive to Columbus, but we're excited. The show is going to be rad, plus we always seem to find ways to entertain ourselves. We've had various medical maladies. One of us recently had an unceasing nosebleed causing said person to be admitted to the hospital, and it is shared with us that what precipitated the hospital admission was throwing up two toilet bowls full of blood. "Clumpy clots," to be exact. Sounds tasty, doesn't it?

"Honey Bunches of Clumpy Clots?"
"No, Clumpy Bunches of Clots."
"Count Clotula!"
"Lucky Clots."
"Frosted Mini Clots"
"Clot Krispies!"

MMM, god are we good at putting off our appetites. What also puts off a few appetites (but certainly not mine) is the Dreamgirls song breaks we seem to keep breaking into, generally in connection with Cocksucker's iPod.

"When Jennifer Hudson won that Oscar, I half expected her to thank 'YOU and YOU and YOU'..." Totally chuckles.

For the rest of tour, "YOU and YOU..." becomes just a part of the landscape, with various things replacing "You're gonna love me" at the end, including My Little Pony, whatever snacks we are putting in our grill, whatev. Steakbomb even gets his own version: "Au JUS Au JUS Au JUS..."

Clearly, we can keep ourselves entertained for a long time. All the way to Columbus from Jersey, in fact. The last time we were in Columbus was in October for our glorious evening at the Bling Ball (see October 2K6 Tour Diary Part 5/5). Though this show isn't exactly the Wexner Center, it's Little Brother's, a good sized venue. It's a long hard drive through Pennsylvania (thank you, Vangina, for not shitting the bed this time through!), but when we see the stage at Little Brother's, it's all worth it. It's huge! I haven't been so pleasantly surprised by such hugeness since my third date with my last steady boyfriend.

Also making the trip worth making is meeting our new best friends, the Parlour Boys. Mikey at the Dame introduced Totally and Sizzler our last time through Lexington, and they lent their regional success to our cause by basically booking this tour with us and for us. They've just signed to a label, and it is only a matter of time before the world begins asking them how much a moustache ride costs these days.

Their van (with their own non-crippled U-Haul trailer) is already parked along Little Brother's loading alleyway when we get there, so we get to meet the shadowy figures behind the impressive tour schedule immediately. What astoundingly nice boys. What are they doing on a three-date tour with us?

Once load-in is through, the kittens no longer need to be herded, so away they go. The bar hooks me up with a free bottle of booze cider called Hardcore. For one evening, drinking like a little bitch is totally hardcore. Milkshake and Boobs do their hair. Shredder, Cocksucker, Cocksucker's brother, Steakbomb, and I are huuungry. The opening band, Hugs And Kisses, intrigued us with their stage setup, including a toilet. Say wha? I think the Parlour Boys may have described it best. In their words: "Holy shit. this group hugs and kisses is a complete theatrical production about the loss of some dope sneakers. there is a talking toilet, pig masks, a devil, and some great songs. we love playing w/ bands like this..."

The Parlour Boys themselves played a rad set of super danceable poppy goodness. If the Killers could write more than four good songs per album, it might sound something like this set. This is going to be a fun few days.

Cocksucker's brother has offered to put us up for the night. He rocks. Totally and Sizzler want to go out drinking etc. with the Parlour Boys. After last night's I Never, we do not follow. We have to regenerate enough of a liver for the bourbon extravaganza that is Lexington, after all.

Labels: moustaches, tour

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