Dear Dork,

I don't just suck cock, honey. I worship it!! You know when I was a wee lad running around the woods in the Midwest, I used to tell my parents that when I grew up I wanted to be a snake charmer. Being super sophisticated at such a young age, I knew that I couldn't tell my parents that dick sucking is what I longed to do. Since I hated telling lies, I came up with a code phrase that described exactly what I'd be doing for the rest of my life. Sweetheart, the only advice I can give to you is always remember your dick deserves the utmost of respect and ALWAYS worship your snake charmer!

Dear Matt, Oh aren't you the cutest thing. I could just pinch those tight round cheeks of yours! Now, honey, there is no becoming... you just ARE. Me and the Girls, were born this way and there is no other way around it. You either have it or you don't. Anything else would simply be frontin' it sugar!!

Quick BK history lesson Folks... Back in the day, we had a punch card that you could have punched each time you saw one of our shows. Once your card was full, your prize was a blow job from one of the BK drummers. So Mor I See, to answer your question. I have seen that same look in your face from the stage, and boy... ohhhh HOT FLASH right about now... do I know first hand just how good the BK drummers are when it CUMS to performing the task at hand. And so the world will forever know, my HEART belongs to "The Wyld Stallyn". XOXO.

Well, well, well, Guy? welcome to the land of Utopia! There is absolutely no need to panic and nothing to be afraid of. You are a man and men have urges. Be the man that you are and see where it takes you. Who knows your women may even be willing to "strap one on" and give your prostate the attention it deserves. If she says no, I will be in Providence this Friday? you get one of those firemen and we will tag team ya? a?ight?

Well Mr. Tate, research has shown (thank you to those fabulous bloggers) that the lemon wedge is key in preventing death while practicing Autoerotic Asphyxiation. What you want to do is place the lemon wedge between the upper & lower jaw. As you pass out, you will automatically bite down on the lemon wedge and the citrus spurt evidently will awaken you. Now, I personally do not recommend this act Mr. Tate. You are quite the looker and if you wanna be choked while spankin? the monkey, I am happy to come up to Boston for a little visit. As a matter of fact, I will be in town this coming weekend? call me! :)

Darling, with all respect, Dr. Ruth is on your side because she is like 4? 4" and at least 120 year?s old. She also uses the word "penis". Honey if it?s gigantic, it?s a fuckin? dick or cock ~ not "penis". Your friends, they?re just jealous? don?t let them get to you. My advice get on over to Babe?s in Toyland and buy the biggest dildo you can find! Do not hesitate? buy a plane ticket and use that fist in the plane?s bathroom... keep workin? it! Do not take the dildo to the airport, no need for the TSA to know all your dirty lil? secrets. Quick get to that man soon ? ladies and gents you never, ever, ever leave a gigantic dick waiting!

Excellent question, my dad would really like you. As with any head gasket, you always want to make sure to get it good and wet with some oil before you just toss it in there. It helps prevent friction and tearing. I doubt if you are a disappointment to them, Justin. When we become lovers and you bring me home to meet them, you will be the cat's meow.

I am totally blushing with all your flattery! You are a true gentleman and I thank you. I was graced with this name fit only for Queens after perfecting an art. I would be delighted to show you... dinner, drinks?

You could simply have him clean you up afterwards. Felching can be quite a pleasant experience for both!

Well, thank you for clearing that up. Don't you just love middle America?

Mmmm, porn size nuts. You got my attention! You could bring them over here. I'll take care of 'em! ;)

I recently was chatting with a "curious" guy while on the road and I too had to remind him how to treat a lady. Chris, dinner first and then you might get a private showing.
P.S. - With that mouth, I doubt your "curious" nature. I smell well practiced!

I love jelly donuts. Dunkin' Donuts has to be my favorite! You know what's real fun... busting it wide open with your woo hoo and then having your honey clean off the jelly. Mmmm, think I might have to make a trip around the corner right now. Anyone wanna come over?

Honey, if your boyfriend is using the phrase "Gloss his bird." I hate to break it down for you, but I gather he is probably <> taking it up the pooper. Now for some tips on glossing a "bird", I truly prefer Mac Lip Glass over any other. It truly makes it nice and tacky. Now go stick it to him!

-Cocksucker
January, 18 2005

Well, if you gotta ask that question, maybe you shouldn't be stickin' it up the pooper. 1 + 1 = 2, right?

My perm "got done" back when my daddies sperm swam up to my mommies egg and made a little zygote. From there the rest is history and now I have beautiful locks that are the envy of young and old alike.

Depends... are you hot, built, wealthy and hung?

If you don't know what to do with it once its hard, you better put that shit away. When you figure it out...get back to me. Shoot!

I know your mother taught you how to treat a lady and the same goes for me. Buy me a drink and we can talk. Cheers!

I certainly don't discriminate... dick is dick!

Before you can stunt you gotta have paper. No paper, no stuntin'. Now if you have paper come by and see us at Don Hill's on April 24. I know the band would love someone to open a tab for us! After the show you get us a room at the Four Seasons and I will show you another kinda stunt. Peace out yo!

Mr. Berry, before jumping to any conclusions that there may be something wrong with you, I suggest you check with your girlfriend. She very well may be into scat and if so you are on the road to a healthy, long relationship. If your girlfriend is not into this scene I recommend heading out and buying yourself a butt plug. Not only will it keep the pooh off your girl, but your prostrate gland will thank you for the extra attention.

It's all about the fondling of the balls. If you want I can show you how it's really done!

Jenny, I have one guess. Your boyfriend has an uncut cock that he doesn't care for too well, right. Well the "extra cheese" tends to spread some bacteria that can cause such maladies in women. See your Doctor soon!

Wet n' Wild, I thought I smelt something while I was on the stage at our last shows. Unless your ass gets this shit handled you best stay at home! "Extra" lubrication is fine, but stank is not okay!

However, I just got done talking to the boys in the band. As long as the discharge is clear and sweet they are more than happy to dry you out.